I believe almost everyone has their own best friend. May it be the different gender, may there be more than 1. Best friends is the one who you know will never leave you, love you and care for you the most after your family. They're like a sibling from another mother, your other half.
Although i have said that best friends are the ones who would never leave you, almost everyone lost a best friend at least once in their lives.
I believe i just lost mine not too long ago. Slowly, unconsciously, i lost her.
I had two best friends. Not just best friends, we were a squad. A small trio but still a squad since form 1 or 2.
But one left unofficially. She found a new best friend. She found a new squad. Another good trio.
I kept these thoughts in me for a while until i finally decided to talk about it with my best friend.
I told her that i felt like we lost a best friend. She told me that she thought she was the only one who thinks that..
We were both very sad.
She was the first one who called us best friends, first one to create the group chat.
Now, she prefers to chat in another group chat, and just send us thumbups.
Now, she prefers to tag the new squad in any post she shares and never us.
Could it be my fault?
Could it be me who wasn't giving her the deserved attention?
Could be.
No matter what was the cause of this, its too late.
i lost her as a best friend, its a fact i can never change.
There was four but then there was three. In the end, there's only two.
There's no more squad to do #SquadGoals.
No more sayings like "Best friends come best in three".

Hello. It's the tenth day of 2016, so how was 2016 so far? For me, it pretty much sucks.
School started on the 4th of January which is 6 days ago, but its stressing me already.
I got into sub-science stream which is not the stream i wanted. I wanted to get into an art class. I love arts. I express my feeling with it.
For those who don't know, there's three streams in my school for the form 4s and form 5s. Mostly, there's two streams only for other schools but three in my school.
So there's the science stream, the sub-science stream and then the art stream.
For science stream, you will get to learn biology, chemistry, physics and add math.
For sub-science stream, you will have chemistry, physics, add math and accounts.
For arts, its different for each class.
The first class will have, science, add math, accounts and economy.
The second class will have science, arts, accounts and economy.
Third class will have science, arts, geography.
last class will have science and arts.

Each class determine what you will study for in college and it is relevent to your future occupation.
I'm just 16 but i have decide what to study for college and it will be business or maybe hotel management.
If I'm going to study business, i will have to take economy and accounts. And i love arts. I have a passion for it. I am confident that i can score a credit with it.
And so, i believe second arts is the best for me.
I applied for that class, i reached the qualifications for that class, but plot twist: i got into sub-science.
I thought i could give it a chance. Although the chances of getting 5 credits (the minimum requirements for a college) is lower than 10%, i thought that i could try studying few hours everyday.
But i talked with my parents and they adviced me to go for second class because its best for me.
So i applied to change class. A lot of students did. They are all going for second arts. Which makes me worry.
The main reason the school is letting us to apply is to kick out the ones who failed science and maths but got into sub-science.
I got into sub-science but i did not fail any of that. My math got a B, my science got an E. Its just an E. I can't cope with chemistry and physics.
Especially when everyone in my class is so smart. I'm not.
Anyone could be telling me that i got an E because i didn't try hard enough, maybe chemi and physics would work is i try harder. No, i can't.
I can't cope with them.
I felt so stressed and pressured in my current class on the 2nd of class that i cried. Who get stressed just on the second day? Is it just me?
I am not in that league. I'm not as smart as everyone. I'm just a normal girl who try her hardest but not a smart one.
I hate it when everyone tells me: " easy for you to say, you are smarter than us." No I'm not. If I'm smart i would ace science. I'm not good at thinking. My way of passing exams was just memorizing the whole textbook. But science is about thinking. Thinking why would that happen and you will give out theories and possibilities. But I'm just someone who can tell you what's the name of a certain body parts because i just have to memorize it.
I may sound selfish but to be honest, i feel like i deserves second arts more than everyone. Its relevant to my further studies, i am confident i can score 5 credits there , i have a passion for arts more than most of the people applying for that class. But I'm worried that i might not be able to get into that class.
I don't want to stay in this class....
I want to study arts....
Its my only two years of time to study it. My last two years for it.
I want to study it.

Hello everyone!

Something is worrying me so much that i couldn't sleep well nor eat well lately.
It's school break right now in Malaysia, but i have to go to school tomorrow to check my finals papers.
I'm scared. I'm just as scared as a first time murderer.
I want to pass my Malay on this. But I'm more certained that i failed it.

I don't want to be that child who disappoints her parents.
I don't want to be the only one who failed it in my circle.
Both of my bestfriends passed it, I'm happy for them but I'm still scared.
I worked so hard on this but i regretted for not working harder. It was not my best. I thought I've done my best but no, i didn't. I saw how my sister studied, she studied so hard and she did gained what she wanted. But look at me. I'm a failure.

Why didn't I study harder?

If i have a time machine, i will go back to the day before i take my exams, i want to do my best and study very hard on this and shed tears of joy with my friends when i get my results. But it is too late. There is only regrets left.
Right now all i can do is to pray.
May it be just 40%, as long as i can pass, i don't mind sacrificing something.

Hi. Let me introduce myself. My name is J. I'm not writing my real name down because i like being mysterious, somehow.
I'm a normal sixteen years old teenage girl living in Malaysia.
I started blogging when i was twelve, if i remember correctly. But i stopped blogging when i was about fourteen.
Like i said I'm just typical normal teenage girl, there's no special things going on in my life neither do i have any talents to show. So my blog could boring. I don't know. XD
My link must seem really childish and weird because come on! Invincible potato? Seriously?
Yup. Invincible potato.
I have lack of existence, no one seems to notice me. (So i doubt anyone would find this blog too.) And I'm plum (or fat),short and ugly like a potato. A potato has flaws on it's surface just like how i have flaws on my face.
I may sound like i have low self-esteem.
And i admit that, because i really do.
I had confidence until i met some friends. But let's keep this story for my next post.

Back to the main point. I love to write, but i don't have the talents. I used to write stories and share it to my friends and my sister but i stopped writing and somehow i forgot how to.
But i still enjoy writing it, so i decided to start a new blog after a few years and write down my feelings and write down about my life.
I actually keep a journal but i like to share my thoughts sometimes and wait for replies or advices. Although i don't think anyone would find this blog. This blog is probably invincible like me. Lol.
Hopefully someone would find this blog and leave down a comment or something. Hopefully.

I'll stop here for now. :)